#330: Kids are our future. Oh save us.

I know it's way too early to be thinking about getting married and raising kids, but now I'm just a little worried.





Kids nowadays. Really.

#329: The 'I dig...' Poll

The 'I dig... (eligible only for females or 'confused' males)' poll has finally come to an end. It has proved quite a hit with blog visitors, fetching 69 votes and producing some interesting results. As an esteemed professor at the University of Cedricology and an expert in the anatomy of the female (and 'confused' male) mind*, here is what I can determine after careful analyzation of the poll results.

*Well, not really. But I had to convince you somehow right?


Musicians- 46%
The majority of females (and 'confused' males) find a guy with a musical instrument the most attractive among the lot. A landslide victory for the musicians, winning almost half of the votes. (also proves that my decision to pick up the guitar was a good idea)


Athletes- 4%
To be honest I expected this poll to be a two-horse race between musicians and athletes. But once again the female mind proves me wrong. Turns out sweaty, hunky guys aren't as attractive as I thought.


Geeks/Gamers- 4%
Seems to me that girls equally dig geeks/gamers as much as they do athletes. So it's either engaging in cyber warfare or physical competitive exercise. Interesting. Very interesting.


Artists- 8%
A slight advantage over the previous two. I kinda expected artists to find themselves in the middle of the standings, so, no surprise here.


Skaters- 15%
Even more surprising than geeks/gamers tying with athletes. To be brutally honest I submitted this entry as a 'filler' (apologies, skaters), but looky here, girls dig guys on boards with wheels.


Cedric- 20%
An individual fetching second highest votes. Not bad, not bad at all. BUT there's two possibilities from the results of this specific entry. 1. Cedric really has quite a number of anonymous fans, or 2. Like a female friend told him, "It could be people like me who vote just for the fun of it (or all those victims you've pranked pranking you back!)." But then again, his supervisor at school said, "Either way, it boosts your self-esteem." So there.


The final verdict: Whether it be pop-rock swooners, gangster rappers, or hardcore rockers, the musicians are what the girls like. Cedric gets an esteem boost, skaters and geeks/gamers prove the stereotypes wrong, and sweaty, hunky guys aren't in anymore.

**If you weren't a female or a confused male, or voted more than once (that means resetting your modem and voting again), it's necessary that you know this poll was made to determine what the girls (and confused males) like. Maybe you were so desperate to get votes for your certain party, or you're just a freaky fan. Either way, it's not cool.

***This vote was purely for observational purposes. Any offense taken, like I said before, is YOUR problem.

****Apologies to writer and dancers for forgetting to put you in the running too.


Coming soon: A poll on girls, for guys!

#328: Of Life and Lemons

"When Life gives you lemons, poke Life in the eyes and rub the lemons in them.

And have lemon eyeballs for dessert."

-Joseph Wong

#327: See Oh Dee

Whether it be males raving on about knife kills at their latest male bonding session at the cyber café or (angry) females complaining time spent on it is time wasted (which could easily be made up for by a date at Baskin Robbins), COD is the word across everyone’s lips.


This may be the last thing on your mind… okay, second last, after frying durians with vegetables, but when a gamer (99.9% of the time male) indulges himself in first person shooter delight on COD, little does he know he reveals his style of hitting it with the ladies. Observe…

Dummies/Females’ guide to COD (bear with me here guys, I’m trying to cater to BOTH the genders on this blog): The basic objective of the game is basically trying to eliminate the opposing team by, well, killing them. (Real mature, I know, but let’s carry on) So the player gets to choose ‘classes’ at the start of every round, where they select guns, perks, and all the other boring stuff. So here’s where cedricolosophy comes in- You can determine the player’s scoring-chicks style by which class he picks… Curious? Read on! Not so curious? Stand up, turn around three times, rub your tummy, THEN read on.


The ‘Assault’ Class
It takes skill to make full use of this class. While most complain that the class’s primary weapon's slow firing rate takes too long to make a kill, the fact is with accuracy and proper knowledge of the weapon, the ‘assault’ player poises a deadly threat to opposition. OR he’s a total amateur and is in it just for two easy kills with the tube before bowing out.


The ‘Spec Ops’ Class
Used mainly by players who enjoy running around and dropping traps for extra kills. It’s primary weapon is lethal at middle to close range. Experts at this class usually give until there’s nothing left. (hint: empty bullet clips)


The ‘Heavy Gunner’ Class
Those who use this class are either extremely good at it, or the opposite. While the experts select this class because of the primary weapon's rapid fire rate and bullet damage, the novices are in it just for the plentiful amount of bullets, where using 100 bullets just for one kill is usually the case. Does not work well at close range.


The ‘Demolition’ Class
The perfect class for those rough-'n'-tumblers who love physical play. A single hit is usually enough for a kill. Extremely powerful and dangerous at close contact, but useless from afar.


The ‘Sniper’ Class
While some may call it cowardice to use this class, the fact is this class requires a lot of skill. The ‘sniper’ is crafty, following his target patiently before perfectly striking at his chance. There’s more to this class though, the ‘sniper’ usually has only one chance to make a kill, and sometimes goes through a ‘dry run’. The ‘sniper’ also tends to steal fellow players’ targets, letting his teammates do the work before swooping in for the kill.

The above content may be observed at selected cyber cafés. This research has been complied by the University of Cedricology. This material is copyrighted. Permission must be granted before circulation of any sort.


Some extra text to prove I still got this roll goin'.

#326: I Wish- Episode 2

I wish...

...ballet was as easy as it looks.

#325: I Wish- Episode 1

This week's special on cedricninetwo: I wish... You'll be given insight into the awesome mind of Cedric as he shares his deepest wishes- all this week, on cedricninetwo!

I wish...

...I had a girlfriend. So I could write blog posts celebrating love and happiness. Oh joy.

#324: Mummy

"Wah. London Olympics 2012. How old will I be then ah?"

"Mum, I'll be married by then."

"If you're responsible first then only cannnn..."

Maybe Mum does know best after all. And now I have something to work on for the next four years. Thank you Mummy!

#323: (just) A COLLECTION OF Cedric's Misfortunate Victims of Awesomeness

The Victims: Denise and Danielle
The Misfortune: Tried to pull an April Fool's prank on me- Denise admitted her feelings for me. Then she finds out I like her FOR REAL, and she just made everything complicated. Yikes. The drama.
The Partner-in-crime: Elselyn. Called Denise up and told her that her prank went overboard. Niceee.
Awesomeness rating: Apparently Denise got worried and panicked. Classic. 7/10.


The Victims: Shaun Xavier
The Misfortune: Switchfoot's coming to Malaysia!
The Partner-in-crime: Going solo.
Awesomeness rating: Switchfoot came to Malaysia a few months after. Boom baby. 4/10


The Victim: Aron
The Misfortune: After he left for Indonesia, I hooked up with Denise.
The Partner-in-crime: Former victim Denise. And all the others who confirmed our 'relationship'.
Awesomeness rating: Aron congratulated me on how lucky I was. Even Elselyn* fell for it. For awhile. 6/10.


The Victim: Denise, Debbie, and Lee Cheng
The Misfortune: While hanging out with Martin and Philip, I fell on an escalator and hurt my leg real bad.
The Partner-in-crime: Philip and Martin.
Awesomeness rating: The girls will ALL deny any of this, but yeah, I've got my sources to prove it. 5/10.


The Victim: Jasmine
The Misfortune: I was named after Darren's brother Cedric, whom my mum took care of during kindergarten, and loved him like a son. And we're cousins too.
The Partner-in-crime: Solo mission, baby!
Awesomeness rating: Unless she read my last post [click], she still doesn't know. Muahaha. 5/10


The Victim: Erica
The Misfortune: Jun-Min was my older brother.
The Partner-in-crime: Jun-Min and Adriel.
Awesomeness rating: Mainly just for kicks. 3/10


The Victim: Joseph
The Misfortune: An Indian loan shark was looking for Rajoo, who coincidently shared the same cellphone number as Joseph.
The Partner-in-crime: Solooooooooooo.
Awesomeness rating: He will also deny any of this, but he was (typically Joseph) scared out of his pants. Best prank ever. 9/10

*I know Elselyn was one of my victims, but I can't remember the incident. Yet.

Memories. Sigh. And wipe that smirk off that face- you might be next.


We be rollin', rollin', rollin'.

#322: What's In A Name?

Hello stranger, if you've stumbled upon this blog because you googled 'awesome', or 'abang gitar', got bored of his blog and came over to mine instead, such a thought must have occurred in that magical little mind of yours.

What kind of name is 'Cedric'?

Since you asked...

Cedric- Chief
Gender: Male, Origin: English
name-meanings.com

Ah yes, tracing back to those (maybe-not-so) good ol' days where I'd mingle with Malays at the football field or badminton court. They'd inquire my name, and when I replied 'Cedric', I could almost hear their minds thinking. 'Khhhstchhhh'. (I think that's how Malays stifle laughs) But eventually my awesomeness would get the better of them and we'd engage in non-racist male-bonding.

I'm not really sure how I got my name. But if I'm not mistaken I was named after a boy whom my mum took care of in kindergarten. But I'm not gonna delve into details, 'cuz with the information I seek will also come an hour long performance on my mother's past, maybe even accompanied with song and dance. So I'll just settle with 'I was named after a boy Mum taught in kindergarten'. Works for me. (I'll gladly give you my mum's contact if you wanna know more)*

And while we're still on the topic of this wonderful name, here's something interesting for you.

See this fat guy? Yeah. He's Cedric the Entertainer. He was born on the 24th of April.


See this cool guy? Yeah. He's Cedric. Me. Cedric. He was born on the 24th of April.

Cool eh? Try finding someone with the same name AND birthday with you. (I tried looking for a white and slimmer 'Cedric', but I'll have to settle with 'the entertainer' for now)

You'll probably be wanting 'Cedric' as your name now, so I'll end soon before any trouble starts. But let's end with this-

Who knows Uncle Freddy from Children's ugh Church? His youngest son's name is...

Cedric. (I don't have a photo of him yet, but enough proof to know that he's named after me)

And no points given for guessing who he's named after. Like I always said...

"You know you're awesome when someone's named after you."**

Actually, that quote was birthed only after I found out about Little Cedric. But who cares! My awesomeness is underlined once again.***


*Yes, the claims that I was named after Darren(who is my second cousin)'s brother Cedric are false. You got punk'd!

**Speaking of which, I'm planning on naming my son 'Foreman Cha' or 'Bono Cha'. But we'll wait for another post on that.

***If you're bugged by how narcissistic I am, that's kind of your problem. It's MY blog. Get YOUR own blog and rant about me- maybe that would help.


THIS is a roll, Isaac. And it ain't ending.

#321: Just Another One of Cedric's 'Contributions' to Society

Think you've heard 'American Boy' one time too many? It's time to turn off that radio (the only excuse for listening to such a song) and go look for music on the net. I did, and found...


The Kooks
Sounds like: Good ol' Arctic Monkeys or Franz Ferdinand-ish Brit Rock
I can't get enough of British music. Woo hoo.


Leeland
Sounds like: Switchfoot
Their vocalist tends to get on my nerves, but a good act overall.


The Fratellis
Sounds like: The Strokes, only more British.
See how long before you start tapping your feet to their fun, catchy beats. And how I love the British accent!


Fireflight
Sounds like: A harder Paramore
Rocker chicks are all the rage now. Roarrrrrrrr.


And get a hold of...


The Bird and The Bee Sides by Relient K
Pretty good stuff that's worth your time.


Viva La Vida by Coldplay
As if I haven't emphasized the excellence of this album. Seriously Grammaterial. (material that's worthy of a Grammy *wink*)


My ears are blessed.

#320: Becoming Famous Made Easy

Yes folks, the title says it all! And before you say to yourself 'Not another stupid Cedric post' (which you secretly love me for), exit this tab, and start searching 'kicked in the nuts' on YouTube, let me assure you that the contents of this post is 99.7% true, along with some actual proof to win you over. Convinced? Then read on!


The 5 Easiest Ways To Get Famous


5. Shamelessly showcase your lack of intelligence.
You've seen: Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton- perfect examples. Sure, you think they're stoopid and all, but you ARE talking about them, aren't you?


4. Make your own cooking show and give it the silliest name.
You've seen: Jamie Oliver has it going on. Naked Chef. Genius. (Of course, you've got to be really good at the cooking part too.)


3. Take a picture of... ahem... and send it to someone, with the knowledge that someone over the net is gonna intercept it, of course.
You've seen: Well, not really seen, but Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy apparently boosted sales of the band's latest record because of his shameless exhibition of his lower body. (appropriately said, don't y'think?)


2. DON'T win American Idol.
You've seen: Chris Daughtry's enjoying his fair share of (overrated) fame. I mean, what happened to Reuben Studdard? Is that even his name?


1. Win 8 gold medals in a single Olympics.
You've seen: Michael Phelps did it. Now people are examining his feet size, the amount of carbs he consumes a day, and possibly even the diameters of his ears. (C'mon, those things are HUGE. They could be used as radars for the military.)


And the invaluable gift of knowledge I so willingly share with you shall continue, after I make up uncover the rest. Peace.

#319: I (think I) Love My Sister

Sister comes walking to me, geeky grin across her face.

"So... Ce... The holidays are coming ah?"

I stare at her for a second, and gets back to Photoshop.

"Yeah. So?"

Stupid grin still on her face.

Then she holds it up.

Her new driver's license.


Just so you know, Crys, I always looked up to you as a role model. You're beautiful, intelligent, and lovable. You're just great. So great.

Greattttt.

#318: Coldplayatastic

Devastatingly beautiful musical brilliance. Undoubtedly the best album in recent years.


...And Coldplay establishes themselves as my second favorite band of all time.

#317: What Jo Has To Say

"Hey girl, do you play the trumpet? 'Cuz you're making me horny."

Wanna hear more of what Jo has to say? [click]

WARNING: Click at your own discretion. I will not take any responsibility for any damage, mentally or physically, caused as a result of the blog.

#316: Dear Mathilda

Dear Mathilda,

Without a doubt you have played a crucial role in me becoming who I am. Whether it was for the better I do not know, but I do know this- you have changed my life.

It's been bittersweet knowing you. From the times where you put a smile on my face to the (hypothetical) tears and pain I had to go through just because of our acquaintance are moments that have been etched in my memory of you.

There were the good times, where you were so simple and easy to understand- I liked, or would I dare to say, loved, you then.

But, oh dear Mathilda, the times where you became so complicated when you didn't have to- I tried, but it was just so hard to like you then. Your unreasonable demands- How come you demanded that I direct all my attention to you and no other, but it was okay when other guys made a fuss of you? The unnecessary arguments we had to go through, and the times where I tried to understand you, but you still made no effort to understand ME. I hate to be the bad guy and say this, but it was at moments like these where I lost all my love for you.

I never thought this would happen to me, after all the insults I threw at the 'soap operas' between couples and lovers on blogs, but I think it's only appropriate that I quash all rumors hanging in the air and just be frank...

You and I are a thing of the past.

So I think it's only right, Mathilda that we go our separate ways. God only knows when we'll cross paths again.

Until destiny calls,
Cedric

Cedric finishes MATH 1108 and graduates from high-school math.
12th August 2008

#315: God is an Artist. Oh yes He is.

"What drives me ah? Ermmm... Art, food, and women! In that order."

"So where is God in all this?"

"..."

"Ah. Ah."

"He'ssss... under 'art'! 'Cuz God is an artist! Youshouldknowthatrightttttttt?!"


My point exactly.

#314: Well Looky 'Ere...

Visit Cedric's spanking new art blog now!

[click]

#313: Hey Mama

"Is it just me, or did I grow wider?"

"Sor chai lah lei."


Mum never takes me seriously.

#312: THE ANSWER TO The Eye of a Cedric FOR REAL. Or maybe not...

So...

See it yet?

Take a look again...


No?

Fine fine fine...


Wait.

Haha.

See.

How.

You're.

Hanging.

On.

To.

My.

Every.

Word?

Ha.

Anyway...

Behold...

THE ANSWER!!!

Which is...

this... (okay fine fine!)


"Whatyoumademewaitthislongforthisss??!! A t-shirt sleeve?"

No...

Not just any t-shirt sleeve...



...a Switchfoot t-shirt sleeve.


There you have it. Proof that even Henry Seeley rocks out in a Switchfoot tee.


Cedric too!

#311: THE ANSWER TO The Eye of a Cedric?

On Saturday I showed you this picture...


...and asked if you saw what I saw.

So...

See what I see?

I ruled out Henry Seeley's bald patch, those mega sideburns, and Scott Lim.

So???

If the suspense is killing you, chill out. That's the way I planned it...

So...

Ever seen a hippo during its mating season?

No?

Me neither.


MOVING ONNNNNNNNN!!!!


Still don't see it?

Sheeshwhatever.

Behold..................................

*drum roll*

..............................................

Muahaha. This is funnnnnn.....

Okay fine.

Actually, not okay.

I'll tell you tomorrow.



Smile, kids!

#310: The Eye of a Cedric

Take a good look at this photo...


See what I see?


No it's not Henry Seeley's bald patch...


And it's not that dude's mega sideburns either.



Definitely not Scott Lim...


Still don't see it?


Come on...


If you were a Cedric, how would you think?

What do YOU think?


The answer: Coming soon...

Josh Yee, Ravi, and Ming, keep quiet on this one.

#309: The 10 Most Overused Blog Post 'Genres'

10. 'Copy-paste conversations' posts
Ok fine. The funny ones are okay. But discussing the next episode of Bleach or Naruto? Pfft.
You've seen it: Here and there.

9. 'This post has been removed due to...' posts
And we needed to know because???
You've seen it: On a lot of blogs. Fickle-minded people, sheesh.

8. 'Song Lyrics' posts
I'm sure we all want to learn Jordin Sparks or Usher's latest hits, don't we?
You've seen it: On people who don't know Youtube provides free video embedding's blogs.

7. 'FWD' posts
Copy-pasting emails on the value of life, giving to charity, and cliche jokes. Nice. Real nice.
You've seen it: On Ctrl-V junkies' blogs, and even worse, those that EVEN READ forwarded emails. (No, Josh Yee doesn't do that. He writes them all by himself, spelling mistakes included.)

6. 'Today I...' posts.
Daniel Sim was right. Do we REALLY wanna know about your day?
You've seen it: Usually on 'beginner' blogs. Or narcissistic ones.

5. 'Pon and Zi' and 'lol cats' posts
PBF Comics pawns them all.
You've seen it: On every other blog.

4. 'Baby you're my world' posts
Stop it. Just stop it.
You've seen it: On unashamed couple's blogs, posted simultaneously. Often complimented by multi-colored font.

3. 'Cam Whore' posts
My main source of eye-bleeding. Really, what's in taking same-angled, same-pouted lips, same-everything pictures that I don't get? (As you can see, I'm really trying to understand this breed of human)
You've seen it: Initially on ~angelbabez~ and *cutecutegurl*'s blogs, but the disease has spread to the masses. Somebody save me.

2. "...she calls herself my friend. I hate that b***h!" posts.
High school drama. *shudder*
You've seen it : On most Friendster-frequenting, Click 5-listening high school female blogs.

1. ' =_=" ' posts.
i dun get watz so kool bout it lorrr. O.o *swt*
You've seen it: On anime fans and Sungai Wangers' blogs.


Note: No offense was intended in the making of this post. Should any offense be taken up, blame yourself then.

And no, I don't read FWDs.

#308: Mathyoozuck

Love a woman who loves math, and you will learn to love it too.

Now it's finding the woman to love that's the problem.


Life is so darn weird.