#417: ARE YOU MRS. CEDRIC?

Ladies,

If you've been contemplating life and occasionally thought about who you are going to spend your life with, how many kids you will have, and of course, what you're gonna make him for breakfast, read on.

But if you're male, manage over 3 fantasy football teams, and enjoy DOTA, hmmm... read on anyway.

Yes, I too, the pinnacle of awesomeness, ambassador of warm-blooded males, have taken thought into whom I will be venturing through life with. You see, I'm quite the visionary, and I think it's high time to start my search for a life partner. After all, I have ONLY 8 years left of planning before I get hitched.

So here it is- Phase 1.1 of my 20-phase plan- to find Mrs. Cedric. For starters, we'll be going through what I call 'The Wife Necessities', better known as Terms & Conditions.

Wife Necessities
(NOT in order of importance)

1. Must love either Switchfoot, Coldplay, Mute Math, or Muse. Loving of two, three, or all will just add sugar to the cake.
2. Must be baking-savvy. Should wife not be familiar in the ways of baking, (Sub-rule 2.1) wife will have to attend baking lessons with Cedric's sister, until she gets deemed 'you-can-bake-for-Cedric'-worthy.
3. Must have a height below Cedric's by an obvious amount.
4. Must understand, nay, accept the fact that men like computer and video games.
5. Must be active in sports, recreation, or dancing OR just have a hot bod.
6. Must NOT wear over 3 square inches of glitter on her body all at once.
7. Must be Christian.
8. Must smell nice.
9. Must be unable to finish her food, and call for Cedric to do her the honors.
10. Must accept and love Cedric's ability and need to freeload and slack.
11. Must love donuts and cakes.
12. Must have a mother that can bake or cook well. Should wife's parent own a restaurant or food outlet, Cedric's love for wife will increase.
13. Must agree to age gracefully. That means no spandex, glitter, or heavy makeup past 40.
14. Must wear skirts.
15. Must wear hairclips. The ones that Cedric likes.
16. Must embrace indie art, music, and movies.
17. Must not have any celebrity fantasies.
18. Must love dogs. (No really)
19. Must have required level of intellect.*
20. Must not be Chinese-educated.

If you or anyone else you know fulfills all 20 of the 'necessities' listed above and would like to take a shot at being Mrs. Cedric, send an email titled 'I am Mrs. Cedric' to cedricninetwo@gmail.com to receive the remaining 80 terms and conditions.
*'Intellect Level Test' will be attached in email.

P/S- I hope by now you realize how serious I am with my quest for love. Maybe it's time you got planning too.