#373: How To Grow Taller

It's been across the lips of the 'stunted', the Yao Ming wannabes, and to be blunt, Joshua Yee the short people...

"How do I grow taller?"

Yes, this worldwide phenomenon has been boggling the minds of many for the past few decades, with very little or no concrete answers unveiled with sufficient evidence provided.

Sure, parents told you that eating your veggies would make you "tall, strong, and healthy!", but look what happened to my sister.

If they said jumping or jumping rope would work, I would've been Yao Ming by now. (One of KL's state badminton team's best 'skippers'/'jump-ropers', thank you very much.)

But enough of 'has been' discoveries and unconvincing answers. I, Cedric Lavato (long story- will tell you about it next time), head of research at the Ihatoshortopeepo Laboratories at Tokyo, Japan, have traveled to NONE of the corners of the earth, to find the answers to growing tall. This, ladies and gentlemen, is it. This is the truth.

How To Grow Taller
Compiled by Cedric Lavato
Ihatoshortopeepo Laboratories, Tokyo, Japan

1. DON'T eat your veggies.
As unbelievable as it is, it's been proven. Charles Scherbotski*got tired of his parents nagging him about consuming his vegetables for good, wholesome vitamins. So he stopped, and boy, no regrets! The next day his mum had to take him to Abercrombie & Fitch to get new clothes- he had grown 8 inches taller over 7 hours of sleep.


2. DON'T curse.
Foo Sun Yong* was renowned for his foul mouth. However, Foo wasn't a big-time gangster. He was 17, and only stood 4 feet tall. This often, or always, resulted in his vulgar mouth being physically 'punished' by almost anyone bigger than him (which is A LOT, by the way). Then one day, after such a beating from a 12 year old, Foo's lips were so swollen that he could not manage to utter a single word for the next week. As the week went by, Foo discovered that he was growing, and growing fast. By the time the seven days has ended, Foo was 8 feet tall. Now Foo goes hunting for those who've caused him much pain. (including me, so if you're offering security services, hurry! Call me at 1-800-I-ROCK)


3. Treat Cedric to a movie or meal.
No, really! I am THE benefactor of long limbs. Send me an email or a phone call, buy me a movie or a meal, sleep at night, and VIOLA! Somebody's ready to join the NBA. It's really THAT simple.


*Names have been changed to protect the person's true identity.

For the complete list (of 100), order 'How To Grow Tall' now on Amazon.com or call 1-800-I-ROCK.