#61: So I Write Love Stories. Deal With It.

From TotallyFiction
Farting in a public train isn't very pleasant...

Busy carefully looking out not to bump the tough-looking Indian man behind me, the vulgar stench enveloped the the whole train and the many passengers crammed into the train like a can of sardines twisted their faces in agony as the smell crept into their nostrils, polluting their lungs and literally damaging their bodies.

I'm an expressive person. I'm not happy with something, I'll voice it out. I see a hot girl, I walk up to her and hold her hand. Okay, forget the girl thing. But there I was, on the train, unashamed as I let my feelings take over me.

"Yyeeeaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh...." (Fine, then tell me how to spell 'yuck' and 'aaargh' combined)

My lungs would have fell out of my mouth if it wasn't for the tap on my shoulder. Using all the remaining strength within me, I turned and saw her. Her glowing face, silky hair. I inhaled another gulp of the hazardous odor in awe of the love of my life, right in front of me. Until this day I owe her my life, had I not been in her presence, I would fall over on my face and probably, as sudden as it seems, die.

I know held sounds more gentle and romantic, but grabbed and tugged violently was what I did as pulled her out of the train once the doors opened to the next stop. So here I was, her hand in mine, staring blankly at the Chan Sow Lin sign the hung above our heads. I looked and her and smiled weakly. (I hadn't gotten over the smell yet. Fart in your nostrils is lasting) She took me to a nearby bench and sat down with me. I looked into her eyes again. Those deeps eyes. But then, disaster struck.

"Happy Valentine's." She said.

Once again, I am a very expressive person. I was transformed into a blur of hands waving frantically and gasps of 'aiyos.' She must have had the agility and precision of a martial arts master to have guided her hand through those clumsy hands to my face. As I settled down, she told me gave me all the assurance I needed, and finished off her speech with an angelic 'I love you.' I felt like such a loser. Which girl melts a boys heart? But what the heck, I was enjoying myself. I leaned towards her, and our lips within centimeters of joy...

"Dey. Tambi."

My eyes opened to see the thick lips of the Indian man within centimeters of my face.

"You okay ah?"

I groggily pulled myself up to my feet. I looked around me. I was still in the train, five stops away from Chan Sow Lin.

"Aiyo, that cantik ah moi ah, so pretty then kentut, habis." He said in his thick Indian accent, wobbling his head from side to side as he spoke. "Then you also lah, you punya hidung, apa la you! Macam tu pun pengsan!" (Translated to 'Aiyo, that pretty chick, so pretty then fart, finished. Then you also lah, your nose, like that also faint!")

I'm gonna stay away from the LRT for awhile.


This story is half-fictional, Cedric did experience the foul stench of someone's fart that poisoned his head that inspired him to write this Valentine's story. However, Cedric stayed composed and did not crumble to the smell. As for the 'she,' it's not any of you female readers. Sorry for the disappointment.