#50: No Prunes, Just Dates

From TotallyFiction
My Dream First Date

Then everything changed to slow-motion. As I looked ahead, there she was, the sun shining ever so bright behind her, making her even look more beautiful. Her head moved just a little, but the long, smooth hair of hers swayed as if a tsunami wind was blowing. As it flapped in the wind, slow-motiony, and a girlish-pop-rock 'Doo Dee Doo' tune seemed to play in my ears. (Shampoo advertisements were coming to life!)

We sat down to the table-for-two I had booked for us in the mysterious and romantic ambience of our lush restaurant, Kedai Kopi Win Luck. I looked deep in her glowing eyes, and watched as the ever-so-beautiful smile spread across her face.

After we had eaten our greasy, oil-dominated Chinese dishes, I reached out for her soft, fragile hand, and held it in my strong, secure, toughened... Ok! Ok! I'll stop talking bout my hand! I reached for my pocket, and pulled out the most beautiful buy-3-for-10-bucks earrings you could ever find. She was obviously surprised, but quickly regained her composure and then said, "I have a present for you too." As I waited anxiously for my glorious gift, whether it was a second-hand diaper or a PS3, she leaned forward and...

"BURP!"

The most loud, explosive burp that Aron Tan would be proud of came out of her mouth. Obviously surprised, I regained my composure, and


"BURP!"


As a sportsman, counter-attacking was crucial.

"Boss, *burp* sau looi. (Yes I know Chinese!) *burp*. Mm Goi Sai *burp*." I held her hand and walked out of the shop, and the most exciting thing that could ever happened to me... well, happened!


"POOOT!"


Well, we spent the rest of the night enjoy each other, and the free concert by the road, a symphony of burps and pooots.


Yup, that would be my dream first date.


-Deepest apologies should you be thinking you were 'that' girl (Which I believe 50% of you have). The above is TOTALLY fictional*, TOTALLY original and copyrighted.

*Well not totally. 'Kedai Kopi Win Luck' is my uncle's coffeeshop in Bahau, Negri Sembilan. That is FAR, so far they use a different currency. (So it's no use snooping around to 'spy' on me and 'her') And yes, that would be my dream first date.

#49: Danielle, Oh Danielle

Danielle rocks. I thought. Until today.

I was diligently working tediously (these adjectives really help) on her blog layout, and being the perfectionist she was, (no not really) she 'politely' requested that I make some slight adjustments to her layout. That was fine by me, but not by Little Brother. (not that little brother- I mean as in another son my mum gave birth to after me, therefore making him a little brother- you perverts) So he started getting all fussy and hindered my concentration in adjusting Nielle's layout to perfection. (These 'big' words REALLY help) So being the bargaining, smart (he gets it from me) boy he was, he made me a deal: (obviously after my thousand pleadings for him to stop) He lets me continue working on the layout- IF, I play the High School Musical soundtrack while doing it.

Author's note: This may be interruptive, but I'd like to inform you that Cedric is 100% High School Music-intolerant. Side effects may include uncontrollable goosebumps, and some pretty ugly things too. I think Cedric would like you to know that too.

Up till now, I'm still thinking the same thing that I was forty minutes ago: 'Why do I still love Nielle?' That thought just came up as the gay 'Stick to the Status Quo' started playing on the (once sacred) radioblogclub player. By the time Zac Efron started crooning on 'Breaking Free,' I was gazing in wonder of how I could actually DO something while listening to High School Musical music.

Yup, I completed the layout. Go check it out at her blog! And if you want a snazzy layout like hers, you can click here! (It's never too late for advertising)

And now as I end this post, with not a molecule of High School Musical influence in my living body, (my head's cleared now) I can only conclude that... sigh... Nielle rocks.


You can't not love someone like this.


And no, my mindset of High School Musical (I'm getting migraine attacks typing those words) has NOT changed. In fact, I hate it even more.

#48: India

As of today, my mindset of (British) Indians have changed- they're hilarious! Well, at least on TV.



Adriel and Joshua Yee will definitely have something to say about this.

#47: Switchfoot Beckons

A tribute to the wacky, awesome, rocking, random, blur, one-of-a-kind Tan siblings, who left for the US of A. (these other countries want Malaysians so bad)



Topher- An energetic, funny, talented guy. One heck of boundless energy.


Belle- Unique, lovable, and 'innocent' girl. Absolutely great to be with.


*Trying to sound manly* I'm really gonna miss you guys. (I hear chicks go for sympathetic guys) But on a (slightly- just slightly) more serious note, I'm REALLY gonna miss you guys. Enjoy yourselves in Switchfoot land! Eat! Grow! (spiritual-wise and physical-wise) Your presence(s) will truly be missed!

#46: Oh Look! A Love Story!

From TotallyFiction
The Epic Love Story ;) Note the wink

I glanced at the enormous clock that hung above the entrance of the mall I was to meet her. She's three minutes late. Ignoring the stares of estranged shoppers, I restlessly paced back and forth the five square feet of ceramic tiles. It's not like her to be late. I pulled out my cell phone, then shoved it back into my pocket. Maybe not playing Snake II a gazillion times would have lasted my battery a good five hours.

Finally. There the glorious being of beauty and splendor stood some fifty meters from me. I wasted no time in settling myself in the indescribable atmosphere of her presence. Not the least bothered about her tardiness, I held her hand in mine. I was somehow miraculously moved by her tug. She led me to a shop. A pink shop. Pink lights. Pink shelfs. Pink curtains. Pink pigs. (Yes I know they're already pink) She showed me the weirdest, most awkward handbag I had ever seen in my fifteen years on this strange planet Earth. Overcoming my silent yucks and eews, I obliged to her getting the...bag, if you may call it.

Then she tugged me again. I swayed along the smooth marble floor... right into the ever-interested face of my youth pastor.

I was arrested and spent the night in prison. Ordered five years of community service. She got fired from her part-time job and was an outcast among her friends.

THE END

The moral of the story is: 'NO BGR!' (No, it doesn't stand for Big Grey Racoon)

#45: Will Work for Money, Not Food

A desperate plea: Will work for money.

From designing stuff (click here) to odd jobs.

Due to financial condition.

I need money.

And I'm serious.

#44: Fictional Fantasies

I've been planning to shut down the site which contains much of my best blogging work: fictional romance stories. It's been some time now, so I decided I'd upload an entry from the site every once in a while. If you think it's old, think again.

From TotallyFiction (that's the site's name)
A Moment to Treasure

Unconcious I was, as if living in a fantasy, until she touched my hand. And all of a sudden I crashed back to reality. But a good crash. For there she was, sitting on the white sandy beach beside a calm tide. I looked into her eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes. And she uttered a soft "What's wrong?" out of her lips.

"N-nothing." I struggled to form those words in my mouth. Sigh. It was no use to lie to her, so as straightforward and honest as possible, I told her, "It's just that this moment with you is the first time I felt so complete."

A reddish hue appeared on her cheeks, and one of those sweet smiles that I've always looked forward to seeing spread across her fair face. And from a touch she was now holding my hand. She looked at me. "I feel the same." And as my tongue seemed to keep slipping as I tried to speak, she had gathered another group of words first. "I love you."

From that moment her hair had never looked so smooth, her face never as radiant as now, her eyes never looking so deep and beautiful, and her hand felt softer than ever.

This time it seemed as if the words were to come out smoothly. "I lov....."

"Ce! Wake up!" This time I really crashed. A bad crash. The irritating, squeaky voice of my younger brother ringed in my ears. "Ahpa said wake up la! It's already eleven thirty!" I wouldn't bother wasting space with exclamation marks, for they will never come close to the amount of noise my brother was making. With all the limited hope left in me, I pulled myself out of bed and looked around, but to my dismay the same dull green walls of my room stood before me. I had a dream.

As of my hope, it still lies somewhere in me, hoping hard to see the indescribable beauty shining out of her face, for one last time.

This post is written for the sake of updating my blog. It is completely FICTIONAL. Apologies to any females who thought that my description sounded like themselves, and are now disappointed that the dream has yet to occur. And yes, I do know how to write like a love-struck blogger. Too bad I'm a good actor too.

#43: On The Bright Side...

Now that it's only Monday, (the Tans leave on Sunday) there's a week left, so I'm not gonna go all emotional yet. So here's some uplifting 'stuff' on the bright side of the Tan's migration to the US of A. Here we go...

In USA the Tans can look forward to...

-Good music! They're frickin' living in Switchfoot land: San Diego! The annual Bro-Am concerts, (which are free- plus you get to see Switchfoot surf- topless- woohoo) plus definitely other promotional tours and stuff by them. Lucky Topher.



I was gonna make a list but Switchfoot was the only thing I could come up with. Malaysia's the place to be! Enough said! (Not really la- but I have to add some propaganda- it's 'Visit Malaysia Year'

#42: Crutches, Anyone?

As Stephen put it in his blog, the blogsphere has been destroyed- Jian Shen has started a blog. (Yes, go around running in fear and agony) And my incredibly complex brain tells me that he may start stealing some of my loyal blog patrons. (As Sister said, 'lame is the new cool') So to get something started here, I've decided to post up some lame jokes, just for a little friendly competition. If you're simply lameness-intolerant, skip this post, but if you fear you've already heard them, read on- it's worth a second look.

Oh, and take these. I have a feeling you'll be needing them.



Q: What is the most evil spice?
A: Sinner-mon (I came out with this long before Jian Shen's 'Sinner-rella' joke)

Q: Sugar experienced a sudden inflation in the price market, and Salt's prices dropped. So what did Salt say to Sugar?
A: Sugar, We're Going Down

Q: What did Wei-Ming have to say about the recent Canon camera roadshow?
A: It was a blast!

Q: What do you call a 'je sui' (sugar cane) seller with very fast service?
A: The Hurricane!


If you didn't notice, I stated in my profile that I 'tends to unconsciously cripple others with my 'kooky' lameness,' so don't come after my head- too many legs have been lost on my account. (legs-lame-get it?)

#41: Just for the sake of...

Because I'm stuck (not really) at Josh Foong's house, watching Switchfoot videos (again), and simply staring at the screen without a hint of knowledge of what I should be doing (besides studying), I have decided to update my blog.

#40: Give Me Money

bloomunkee® has 5 names names on their waiting list, and I haven't got started on any yet. But hey, it's worth waiting for isn't it?


"As of when bloomunkee® has finished Crystal Cha's layout, custom made layouts will come with a charge- ranging from money to favours- due to bloomunkee®'s lack of finance and his desirable hunger for it."

-bloomunkee® inc. (Hey, you can't blame me- you guys suggested I make layouts for a price!)


Want a bloomunkee® layout? Click here!

#39: I Tagged Myself. Help Me.

In a (desperate) attempt to balance out the amount of images and text on my blog, I have stole a tag from Ah Foo's blog in order to fill my blog with more words and less pictures. Here it goes...


1. Your name plus "ness"?
Cedricness

2. Two feelings at the moment?
Thoughtful (to think of answers-duh) and wacky (as usual)

3. What are you listening to right now?
'Transatlanticism' by Death Cab for Cutie

4. Done anything you regret so far this week?
It's only the second day of the week, but I guess I'd say bumming around when I could have been doing more 'resourceful' things.

5. Where are you right now?
At the computer table at home.

6. The highlight of your week?
Like I said, it's only Tuesday, but so far I'd go with Ah Foo's surprise birthday party- his expression was priceless- and meeting his wacky and insane mates. And the caramel cheese cake!

7. What are you craving to have right now?
Roadside rojak and cendol!

8. Who were the last people you ate with?
I had breakfast alone, so it'd be the guests of Ah Foo's party.

9. What are you scared of?
Again I say, and I am not afraid to deny it, Children's Church teachers.

10. Last movie you watched?
Happy Feet- surprisingly not too bad.

11. Last song you sang out loud?
'I Will Follow You Into The Dark' by Death Cab for Cutie

12. What is your heritage?
My older relatives say I'm a mix of Hokkien and Hakka, but I think monkeys are the correct answer.

13. Are you thinking of someone right now?
Now that you ask, almost everyone I know.

14. Who is the last person you talked to?
My lil' bro...

15. Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
'Death of an Interior Decorator' by Death Cab for Cutie

16. Have you changed much this year?
Hopefully, positively.

17. Do you like to eat out?
Depends. I have moods too, y'know.

18. Do you like moms?
Love, intelligence, diligence, talent in cooking food- how can you not?

19. Hug or kiss?
Hmmm... do you think I could do both? *snicker* I guess I'd be more comfortable with a hug- whether it's from a male or female.

23. Who was the last person to text message you?
Dad.

24. Where was the last place you went besides where you are?
One of my sis' college mate's house where we had Ah Foo's party.

25. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
Now that you mention it... I've gotten remarks that I look like Jake Elliot (the guy who acted as the lil' bro of Lizzie McGuire) *blush* Not that that was a compliment.

26. Do you speak any other language other than English?
Fair enough of Malay, some Cantonese, and a little teeny-weeny bit of Tamil- a huge majority being not-so-clean words.

27. Last thing you watched on TV?
'Enough' on TV3 -Friday- but didn't finish it.

28. Do you dress for style or comfort?
Comfort takes up 99%...

29. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Christina Wee and Cedric the Entertainer (No, seriously- freaky, ain't it?)

30. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
I wish.

31. Whats the craziest thing you've ever done?
Pull down my pants in front of guests at home when I was a toddler.

32. Favorite color(s)?
Black, blue, green, and brown.

33. What's your favorite cereal character?
Captain Star of Honey Stars.

34. What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?
You're kiddin' right? (No, that's not the name of the song)

35. Who do you love?
Everyone or thing I'm happy with now...

36. Any plans right now?
Figuring out how I'm gonna adapt back to training after a week's break.

37. What are your plans for tonight?
Probably go online again, work on the LoL!Tees project.

38. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Hmmm... Wednesdays are boring- so I'm hoping Mum cooks up a storm?

39. Last time you smiled?
I'm smiling at the screen now.

40. Who do you wanna be with right now?
Anyone? Really? Jessica Alba! Realistically, doing something crazy with crazy friends.


If you wanna get tagged, maybe if you run slowly, I may be able to tag you.

#38: I'm Bored Now

Photoshop phrenzy!

#37: When I'm Bored I Photoshop

Inspired by mijim's dead sparrow post, I've found a new pastime with Photoshop.









Look out for more soon! Only on cedricninetwo!

#36: Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday Daniel Foo!

#35: Joshua Yee Never Walks Alone

Only in Japanese game shows.



The Japaneses in-gerr-iss is very the good.

#34: Lame-ness for the Soul

About Mee: Mee was first made in China a LONG LONG time ago. The ancient Chinese twisted long strands of dough using a 'mee' making technique which would be too much of a hassle to explain on. Hahaha... ok ok... me? Hmm... lets see. I THINK I'm lame. That's what people say about me but i choose not to believe it! By saying that, you might say that I'm living in denial. But I'm NOT! because THE NILE is a river in Egypt! Hahaha!!! I'm a (if you can say that) musician. and my weapon of choice: the bass. Which some people say can be quite boring to play. But i think otherwise. I play for church too. I figured if God gave me that gift, why not SERVE Him with it? and I really enjoy doing it. So there you have it!

You can't not visit a blog with an author who writes his profile like that. Click here.

#33: I TRIED Bimbo

Amidst one of my many highly-educational, refreshing, innovative brainstorming sessions, the thought of certain blogging 'subjects' are meant to be written ONLY by one of the genders came to my mind.

Take this for instance:

Yesterday I watched She's the Man, and Channing Tatum looked so good in that movie! The bald look really looks good on him!


I think I may get a new look like that: Macho, manly, and hot. What do you guys think? Post a comment on my blog ok?! Muaks!

A NOTE THAT YOU CANNOT SKIP: If you have the shortest memory span and have already forgotten the first paragraph that I've written and gone straight to assuming I've gone gay, let me remind you that this is all done for the sake of proving a point: Certain blogging 'subjects' are meant to be written only by one of the genders. Now that, I've proven myself to be straight, (hopefully) I think I can end my post now. Muaks!

I was kiddin' and I'm straight. Full stop, ...I mean full stop.

#32: Free, Unshameless Publicity

Since she publicized me and because her blog is down in the dumps, (when someone updates with blogthings it's in the dumps) slowly, painfully decaying, go visit the blog of a guerrilla leader.

At least I got you to click.

#31: I'm Winning! I'm Winning!

Despite a slow start, rookie cedricninetwo has kept his momentum and eventually overtakes Topher in number of posts and by the looks of it, is going to pull away with a bigger lead, becoming a major threat to other more experienced bloggers.

#30: Sex Makes You Think

If sex is not equal to love, then what is really making love?

#29: Say Goodbye to Punk, Cedric

WARNING: This post is not for the faint-hearted or pregnant. If you are still suffering from the aftermath of me in my emo hair, I would suggest avoiding this post.

If you were still brave enough to read this paragraph, you'll find out I was 'experimenting' how I'd look in a different type of hairstyle with Photoshop. Hold on guys, this is gonna be a rough ride.



Ok, so emo and mohawk is off the list.

#28: A Broken Heart

Where the root of all obsession with Nielle started.

#27: Emo, anyone?

A thought has been relentlessly tormenting my head, not letting me rest on it: How would I look with an emo hairstyle? Wait! Before you start hilariously laughing saliva on your computer screen, please care to read this post. Thank you.

I thought emo-hairstyles looked really flippin' cool. For instance, Jon Foreman from Switchfoot looks way cool with a hairstyle like that.


Shaun from Bus Company has the whole thing working out for him too.



So with all the guts and b*lls I had, I ventured into the unknown with my best friend, Photoshop, and after some copy, pasting, and editing, the outcome was not what I had in mind.



Cue to start spoiling your computer monitor with your spit.


And so I conclude my post with a note to self: Forget about the whole emo-thing.

#26: The Girl I'd Love to Hate

Vocabulary limited to giggles,
Owns a Chihuahua named Mr. Twiggles,
In possession of a plastic face,
Looks at me like I'm from outer-space,
Wearing an fortune-costing hat,
Eats things only with zero percent fat,
This type of girl catches my eye,
But wait-before you ask 'why why why,'
It's nothing to do with fate,
It's just that she's the girl I'd love to hate.


Note that everything on this site is copyrighted- you can read the whole statement at the bottom of this page.

#25: Piracy/Imitation

Dear reader,

Please realize with all the thankfulness in your heart that I've finally put up colored images on this blog. And since I'm feeling pretty I-want-to-steal-others'-ideas-ish now, here are some 'borrowed' ideas, Cedric-style.

Maybe that paragraph above was a waste of time, but I'll be wasting time deleting it too.







And if I'm feeling highly-critical,



But why deal on fantasy t-shirts when you can actually get just-as-witty t-shirts at LoL! Tees? How's that for publicity, guys?

#24: Just Because I Can

Now this, is what I'd call a complete blog.

And for the fun of it, I've put my copyright rights at the bottom of my page.

#23: Happy Birthday to You

To a wacky, creative, talented, and awesome friend...


Happy Belated Birthday Josh Foong!

#22: You Can't Please Everyone

Leave your blog untouched for a week or two, and they tell you your blog is dead and ask you to update.

Update twice a day and they tell you you're too free.


'Never try satisfying everyone' now applies to blogging too.

#21: Read This, Joshua Yee

Woman, without her man, is nothing.

Woman! Without her, man is nothing.


Punctuation is important. (hint to grammar 'experts') Never underestimate its power.

#20: Anti-racism videos, anyone?

As of now, (and possibly forever) I'd choose Youtube vids over Blogthings anytime.



Black is not equal to bad. Hooray for anti-racism!

#19: Smosh

A new generation of jock has arrived. Say hello to Smosh.



You can watch their other jock-justifying videos at Smosh Productions.

#18: One-Time Fling

My face up against yours, to feel your smooth skin, your unforgettable smell.


An affair I shall never forget.


(Yeah, it was with the cam) Thanks to Josh Foong for the pic.

#17: Awakening

Forget the ecstasy, Switchfoot can be my alternative to getting high anytime.

#16: The Sim

Daniel Sim n. : one who uses complicated words for the simplest thoughts.


So in his honor, below are some well-known expression, Daniel Sim-style.


Kill two birds with one stone: To slay a brace of avian creatures with just a single petrous conglomeration.

Barking up the wrong tree: Projecting short, loud noises erroneously towards the top of an arboreal plant.


Instinctively, one wouldn't recognize me as a big-word-knowing person, so it's no use hiding the truth- I got those statements from Reader's Digest.

#15: Enjoy Coca-Cola? Hmmm...

Now with extra calories and exclusive health problems included, death is right at your nearest store!

Buy a Coke now.


Coca-Cola: death at a discount.